DC Super Pets: World’s Funniest
by Ek01
Summary: A day in the life of aspiring pet villainess Jackie, a Joker venom-mutated goldfish with the ability to walk, talk, and deal as much sass as possible.
1. Prologue

Author Note: Krypto the Superdog was a great show, and now I have the chance to write about it. I noticed that while they have made multiple episodes about the hyenas, they haven't done anything with the Joker fish from the classic Batman animated episode. As such, I have created Jackie, a female OC named after Jack Nicholson.

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In 1993, there came about a plot in Gotham City created by the Joker. One that would have the populace under its sway with mutated fish that bore the white face and red lips of the Clown Prince of Crime himself.

Unfortunately, this plan did not come to fruition, as Batman thwarted the Joker's reign of terror as he always does.

But what became of the venom?

Two months after the event, just to experiment if it was still dangerous, a crack team of scientists at S.T.A.R. Labs had obtained some of the venom, dropping a couple of drops in the fishbowl of some week-old goldfish.

They did not expect what would happen next...

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Late at night when the staff was closing up the labs, something happened.

Over at the experimental lab fish tanks, a lock was heard opening.

One of the unfortunate people there, a ginger by the name of Olsen, was photographing the animals for the Daily Planet's animal rights column. He flinched when he the door open and a paper clip that was bent in the shape of a key landed on the ground.

Olsen moved closer, trying to investigate...

Suddenly, a small goldfish popped her head out from within the tank. This was no pet store goldfish, as she was white, with green fins and huge red lips. For some reason, she also wore a tiny purple sailor's hat. The fish took one look at the kid and BIT his nose!

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" Olson exclaimed, flailing about, knocking over scientific equipment and setting off the alarm.

"OLSON, WHAT'S GOIN' ON DOWN THERE?!" The lead S.T.A.R. Labs scientist hollered.

"Uhh.." Olson stuttered.

Then, the little goldfish eventually let go of Olson's nose, standing on two legs.

"...you got a real nasty flavor, kid!" The goldfish spoke.

Olson immediately fainted as the tiny fish walked away.


	2. I’m a Joker, I’m a Smoker

"Now, how to get out?" Jackie pondered.

The fish then noticed a strange looking device on the other side of the room she was in, marked "DANGER!" and "DO NOT USE!". On the front, it was labeled as "BOOM TUBE".

"Boom tube, eh?" Jackie thought.

The little fish pointed one fin at the device, until she touched it.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"*

An earth-shattering explosion destroyed half of S.T.A.R. Labs and propelled Jackie through space-time.

"BAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAA!!" Jackie yelled once she was out of the laboratory. "SEE YA SUCKAAAAAAS!!"

The little fish, as tiny as she was, had been transported all the way from Metropolis to Gotham in a matter of seconds! When she did arrive, she looked around at all the unfamiliar sights there were to see.

"Woooooah.." the tiny fish exclaimed, while narrowly avoiding the footsteps of people. "Now, if I was the hideout of that clown guy...where would I—"

Jackie immediately stepped on a trapdoor on the sidewalk, making her fall deep down a huge crevasse.

"—BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" She exclaimed as she fell.


	3. I’m a midnight toker

Jackie eventually landed after that impressive fall...on top of a large, green fuzzy thing.

"Wha—" she started to say until something grabbed her and pulled her down.

"Well, hello..." the man who held her—the JOKER—said. "One of my Joker Fish has decided to come back to daddy, how wonderful! Would you like to hear my most diabolically delicious plan for Batman?!"

Jackie quickly nodded, then stopped as she heard someone approaching.

"MISTER JAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!" Rang a loud, if not annoying New Jersey-accented voice.

"Quick, in here little friend..." the Joker whispered to Jackie.

The clown dropped the fish into the water cooler and tried to hide her as much as possible.

"Hello, Harley!" The Joker said. "Got any plans for this weekend? I was thinking we could pour acid in the park fountains and explode th—"

"SOMETHIN' IN HERE SMELLS LIKE FISH!" The tall woman wearing a jester's hat and mask said. She grabbed the Joker by the neck. "THERE BETTER NOT BE NO FISH IN HERE, OR I'LL SOCK YA TO TOMORROW NOON!"

"No, Harley..." the Joker smiled, still trying to hide little Jackie. "There's no fish in here."

"Well, good—there betta not be." Harley growled, then whistled for her hyenas, smiling. "COME ERE', BABIES! WE'RE GOIN' SHOPPIN'...and by that I obviously mean stealin'."

Joker breathed a sigh of relief as his (more-insane-than-he-was) girlfriend left with her hyenas.

"Anyway, fishy," the Joker said, whispering in case she could still hear him. "My plan, is to cover the entire Gotham Summer Carnival with COTTON CANDY!! AHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!"

Jackie jumped around with glee as she heard the clown man's iconic laughter.

Suddenly, in the distance, something landed on the roof. The Joker looked up, and grabbed an acid gun.

"Sorry, fish, I gotta go." He said. "The Dork Knight awaits me..."

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Meanwhile, Krypto and Ace had just received word that S.T.A.R. Labs was broken into a few hours ago. While they were investigating, Krypto noticed something very strange.

"Ace..." Krypto said. "I'm not sure if this is entirely possible, but its likely one of the fish just sort of...walked away?"

The Dog Knight raised an eyebrow at his super-powered counterpart.

"Not likely." Ace replied. "Unless this was perhaps the result of a mutation, then maybe. But—"

"OI VEY!!" A voice exclaimed. "WHAT'CHU YOU MOOKS DOIN'?!"

"Uh...who said that?" Krypto asked.

"DOWN ERE'!" That same voice exclaimed.

A small goldfish stood up at Krypto and Ace's paws. He was white, with green fins and a bright, red mouth with multiple sets of teeth.

"Y-you can speak...and walk.." Krypto panted.

"YEAH O' COURSE I CAN!" The jokerfish exclaimed.

"B-but how?" Krypto asked.

"Same way yous did I guess." The fish smirked. "Anyway, I'm Cesar—yer prabably lookin' fer Jackie, eh? Lemme tell ya—she's gone ta see that "The Joker" guy."


	4. playin’ my music in the sun

Krypto flew into the hatch that led to the Joker's lair, Ace followed. The two dogs began to sniff out everything, and Ace had come to the exact conclusion that not only was the Joker gonna clay the whole carnival in cotton candy, said cotton candy would be laced with fear toxin and joker venom.

"HELLO?!" Krypto called. "BUD, LOU? ANYONE?!"

"Sssh..." Ace said. "Do you want to give our position away?!"

"No..." Krypto replied. "But I can smell something fishy..."

"YOU COULD SAY THAT AGAIN, STUPIDDOG!" A voice hollered.

Ace made a gesture for Krypto not to say anything. The two dogs looked around once more, until they saw where the voice was coming from. Krypto and Ace looked down to see something on the armoire...it was a small little goldfish seated in a sensual pose. But this goldfish was like the one that they had previously encountered, with a white body and green fins, not to mention huge, red lips and sharp teeth.

"...sup'?" Jackie said in the most casual tone ever, despite being in the presence of superheroes.

"Who are you?!" Krypto asked, growling and getting close to Jackie's face.

"Easy on them fangs, Lassie!" Jackie said. "The name is Jackie. I'm a Joker fish."

"Where are the hyenas?" Ace asked.

"Them stupid giggle hounds are gone for the day," Jackie stood up. "So I'm takin' over for em'!"

"We would much rather fight them than a little land fish like you.." Krypto said.

"Oh, I think you'll find even though I'm just startin' out as a villain, I make a TOTALLY better adversary than they do..." Jackie grinned, showing her sharp, pointed teeth.

The little fish pulled out a remote and pressed a button, which made a robotic arm extend from the ground with shock collars, placing them on Krypto and Ace, as well as tying them up.

"YES! TAKE ONE MOVEMENT AND YOU'LL BE STUNNED FOR GOOD!" Jackie laughed like the fish she was, large bubbles of Joker venom coming from her mouth. "BAAAAAHAHAHAHABLBLBLUBLUBLUBLBLBLBLH!!"

"I don't even wanna know what sort of diabolical plot you've got for us.." Ace said, trying to free himself.

"It's simple, really." Jackie smiled. "You see those cans of fear toxin and joker venom? Well they're gonna join forces at tonight's carnival with this cotton candy, makin' it a real night to remember..."

"Nuh-uh!" Krypto exclaimed.

"Yeah-huh." Jackie replied.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh! I could do this all day." Jackie replied.

"Nuh—" Krypto started.

"Give it a rest, will ya?!" Ace said.

"Say, I got an idea..." Krypto said.

The Dog of Steel stared directly at the collar, and, using his laser vision, was able to escape along with the Dog Knight.

"Ah, crap." Jackie said. "You're out...you wanna smell my flower?" She held out a bright daisy.

"Sure!" Krypto smiled.

"KRYPTO, NO!" Ace called.

"What?" Krypto turned around, not noticing the acid squirt out from the flower and almost hit him. Then, he looked. "Ohhhh..."

"Dang it!" Jackie exclaimed. "That was like, my only trap!"

"And now you fish," Ace said. "PREPARE TO GET FRIED BY JUSTICE."

"I don't think so, fat-hound!" Jackie leapt into the air and started repeatedly slapping Ace with her green fish tail. "Yeah! How you like me NOW?! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!"

"Come ere', fishy!" Krypto exclaimed, flying and grabbing her with his paws.

Jackie bit down hard on Krypto, but he did not show any signs of pain.

"Huh.." Jackie said, mouth still on his fur. "Normawy there'd be a "ow" rih' now..."

Krypto bit down on her now, but being since he was an all-powerful Kryptonian dog, it hurt way more.

"OWWWWW!!" Jackie exclaimed.

The little fish then fell from Krypto's grasp. Ace quickly activated his net and ensnared the walking fish.

"Bleh..." Krypto groaned. "She tastes like BOOGERS!!"

"...oh, now that's hurtful." Jackie said.

"—SLEEP PINCH." Ace said, pinching the little fish's side.

"Ha!" Jackie smiled. "You couldn't eve—" she instantly fell asleep.

"What do we do now?" Krypto asked.

"I know a special place for her..." Ace thought.


	5. Epilogue

"—So I says, I says to him.." Jackie laughed while holding a microphone up to her face.

Being since she was not a human, Krypto and Ace decided to put her on "parole", or in this case, telling jokes at a nightclub in Atlantis, being since Aquaman was the only guy that could understand her.

"How CAN you talk to a fish?? By DROPPING IT A LINE!!"

(*BA-DUM-tsss*)

A drum-playing octopus reluctantly gave a rimshot.

Absolutely no one in the crowd of fish and Atlanteans clapped for the goldfish. King Shark, who was seated next to Aquaman stood up, but he stopped him.

"Don't eat her." He said. "We want her alive, remember?"

"Oh yeah..." King replied, lowering his head. He stood back up, furrowing his eyebrows. "But she made a shark joke about me!!"

"...everybody's a critic." Aquaman sighed while trying to keep the man-shark from eating the little fish once again.

End.


End file.
